.....the Registrar

In the midst of themes and guest lists the venue reminded me that the Registrar was my responsibility to book and the cost isn't included in the venue price (not at our venue anyway)

It worth factoring in this cost when deciding what day you wish to get married on. Prices vary quite a bit between Bank holidays, Saturdays, Sundays, Fridays and the Monday to Thursday. So even if your venue doesn't have a higher rate for a Saturday Wedding, the Registrar's Fee will vary. This fee can also vary between different Registrars. Ascot's fee was higher than the Crawley office.

Our lovely venue organiser gave us all the details we needed about who we needed to call. I called the registry office to enquire about prices and they informed me we need to call 1 year before the desired date. They also informed me there is a booking fee also, most of this information can be found on the relevant registrars website. Crawley registrars office website is really helpful and guides you through what you need to do and in what order. These websites also lists licensed venues so if you are really stuck on where to get married it may a good starting point.

You can't book any sooner than this but I will be calling exactly 1 year before the day to ensure we get our date.

Wedding Shows

These are a brilliant day out with your bridesmaid or your Mum. Most Mums will love it!

Now you've subscribed to a local magazine you'll know all about both your local fairs and the national ones. The local ones are lovely for a day out and often are held in potential venues, very good opportunity to have a little nose around without feeling hassled to commit.

I have to say though the National Wedding Show in London was amazing. Definitely worth the trip up to the City. For those who aren't a fan of the tube etc it really is very easy to and did seem to be the quieter of the Tube lines that were used so wasn't that stressful. For those with an iphone download the tube planner app-very useful.

Lucky for me my Mum had brought VIP tickets for my birthday. These were great, you had the option at time of booking to reserve seats for the Catwalk show-recommended and packed! Also you were given a glass of bubbly and a goody box, full of nice samples. There was also a dedicated seating area, very handy as the place was so full.

I cannot say enough how important it is to get there early! By about lunch time it was too crowded and became a bit less enjoyable. Another thing to bear in mind is the dress stands often run with appointments to try items on. So get to the dresses early, make your appointment to  maybe go back and try what may well be the dress on and then carry on browsing.

Another mistake made by me which resulted in me grumpily trying to kill time at the Bluewater wedding show when I had already been there a couple of hours!

The start of it all

So the first thing I think of when I think of Afternoon Tea is cake!

So a cake stand would be one of the first things I would associate with it, we had a thought that flowers on cake stands would be lovely as centre pieces. My thoughts were that the Tea would be served on a tiered stand and this wouldn't leave much room on the table for anything tall.

I'm worried it will obstruct the table and mean people can't see each other. I entered cake stand into a search engine and lots of options came up. Initially I wanted a pewter cake stand but then I found Bombay Duck and this Flight of Fancy cake stand ......

Trouble deciding on themes?

I've always enjoyed creating themes and looking at colour schemes. I loved decorating as a kid and still can't wait to decorate rooms at home.

So I didn't really struggle with imagining what theme would work. One of the main plus points to our venue is the neutral and fairly new furnishings and wall colour. This means that we need minimal decorating as its fairly pretty on its own. As already mentioned afternoon tea is the inspiration and our package for our days guests is Afternoon tea.

"There are few hours in life more agreeable then the ceremony known as afternoon tea"

- Henry James

We stayed away from a traditional 3 course meal plan for a few reasons. Cost was a major factor for us, we want to have a big party in the evening and by saving a bit of money in the day means we can have more guests in the evening. Also Afternoon Tea means that it can be a more informal and I'm hoping people will be able to mingle and table hop.


So I brainstormed what I associated with Afternoon Tea

• Lace
• Cakes
• Cake Stands
• Pretty cups and saucers
• Pewter/Silver Tea pots
• Elegant Ladies
• Doilies
• Scones
• Flowers
• Roses
• Candle Sticks
• Tea 

This helped me think about what would create a atmosphere of elegance and prettiness. It was a struggle to avoid a 'tea party' with bunting and an arts and crafts theme.  

Guest List and numbers

Now we had a fairly rough idea of guest amounts and budget before looking around our venues but without knowing how much everything was going to cost we were unable to really think about our guest list. Equally our venue dictated the day numbers, the room for the civil ceremony had a max and minimum number of guests.

A very naff hint, but it worked for us, is to invest in a little white board. This will enable you to write who must be there, who you really want there, who you would like there and those which would be nice to have there. Once you know how much you prepared to spend this will help you decide who out of those list are going to be able to come. Also if you are familiar with excel creating a spread sheet will be useful in the months to come- for adding RSVPS and addresses to the sheet

I wouldn't get to hung up on the guest list at this stage because having thought about ours a couple of months ago it has already evolved and changed in this short space of time (and will probably continue to change)

Decide who you really want there and base the day numbers around this. Having spoke to a couple of friends who have got really stressed by their list and been pressured by their family to invite the couple who used to babysit them etc I would say try not to be bullied into having a massive day if it isn't what you want.

It will always be difficult as people have different budgets and family dynamics, and ultimately if one party are paying for the whole thing it does become tricky. However it is still your day and the most important thing is that you have the people who are a part of you life there without having to be in debt for the next 5 years.

We have gone for a small day of just 40, enabling us to use the room we wanted for the ceremony. The evening numbers are an additional 60 guests, which we are hoping will be a good balance.....time will tell!

So now you have the contract

Now you have gone round the venue and chatted with the organiser and probably exchanged a few emails about various bits and pieces its time to check the contract before you sign and pay a (probably) large chunk of cash.

Carefully sit down and read the contracts, check that the contract is based on estimated numbers and not actual (this will change, I promise)
Make sure all the little things you discussed and agreed with the planner are in the in there. For example the discussion you had about the bridal suite being included in the package, make sure that it is the contract. If it isn't politely point this out to the planner, who is normally more than happy to edit to the contract if thats what you agreed.

Remember to keep all your emails and correspondence safe, make a separate folder for all your wedding emails and then its easy for you to find it all when you need it. This may sound really silly and obvious but I learnt this the hard way. Luckily I did find what I needed and the contracts were all happily signed and deposit paid....eeeeeppppp

Seems easy?

I know it may seem like it was an easy decision for us and we only looked at two venues, but for us it was important that our venue had memories and a meaning.

We made a list of what we wanted from a venue to help with decision making

1. Accommodation, it was important to us that our guests and family could relax on the day and that we could all have breakfast together the following morning 
2. Licensed for Civil Ceremony. Neither of us are religious and it seemed hypocritical to us to say our vows before God when neither of us were sure if we believed in him. 
3. Reception and ceremony all in one place. Having spent the past two years commuting nearly 100 miles a day the idea of getting in a car on the big day filled me with dread.
4. A neutral decor. Something that was a fairly blank canvas but well finished would make life easier in the future 
5. Scenic, the outside of the venue as well as the ceremony room had to be pretty and photogenic 

We requested brochures from a couple of other venues but none of them met all the criteria within budget!
Both Alexander House and Coworth Park met all of these points but ultimately it came down to location. Alexander house is ideal for everybody, in between groups of family and friends. So decision made, and we stopped looking. I think continuing to look once you've decided and paid a deposit, will just create doubt in your mind and add to the stress levels. Go with your instincts and stick to your gut feeling (its normally right)